Talk:Zenos (Nightmare)/@comment-4843298-20120214150640

The concept of the story has a lot of potential. It's got a really original story line. It flows together nicely and keeps the same tone of voice in a way, with some great use of vocabulary in there. My favorite part is when you described the imprisonment and how in the beginning you explain the story behind the Greek Gods. I thought it was really cool. My only suggestions would be to go back and read it through, some of the sentences don't make sense, like you wrote who in a few places where it should have been would, ex. "If someone were to detonate a halogenic torpedo anywhere the result who be a direct sub space tear which opens a direct access point to the Realm and the Apokolips who begin." The other thing was, you give the main character two names, Nightmare and Zenos. In the first few paragraphs you refer to him as Nightmare and then in then most of the rest as Zenos and then randomly once called him Nightmare again. I think there should be some consistency with that. I like the name Zenos better I think because it is really cool that it means "cruel" and it keeps the story sounding more like Greek Gods then a monster movie ( I don't know if that makes sense I can't think of a more explanatory way to say it lol) But overall I really liked it and would love to be updated as you continue on. :) - Phoenix Personiam